more confused than ever
I'm grateful to those of you who have given a shit enough to come back to this thread and offer your thoughts on the situation. Even though I'm not able to make common sense decisions or stick up for myself. To say that having G move in with us was reckless would be an understatement. But he is here now and I have to decide what to do with him.
You guys are right... the marriage is one-sided and there's a serious lack of communication. It's not that my wife doesn't care... I believe that she's very sensitive of my feelings, when/if I ever make them clearly known to her. It's just that she responds to most disagreements I have with her by being hurt and crying. And she has always been very manipulative in a quiet and gentle sort of way. Almost like a mother explaining some difficult concepts to a child. And I will admit that sometimes my Aspergers Syndrome does cause me to see certain aspects of the world in a childish or naive way. But she has taken it too far and I'm going to let her know. It's just really hard to make the transition. When it was just the two of us, it was okay for me to enjoy being mostly subservient to her, because her love and gratitude was there all the time. Now that she splits her time between the two of us (and right now unevenly so), these times when I'm alone are foreign and unsettling to me.
Last night I found out that G is more mature and thoughtful than he had led me to believe. S was feeling better that evening, so G gave me some money and told us to enjoy a nice dinner and a movie while he watched the baby. We had a steak dinner at our favorite restaurant, and S told me she had been missing me a lot and wanted to spend more time alone with me. And she is looking forward to sleeping with me when her morning sickness goes away. It was very reassuring to me.
When we got back to the apartment, all the food stains had been scrubbed out of the carpet, everything was put away, the carpet was vacuumed, the dishes were washed, a load of laundry was washed and folded... it was obvious he spent the whole evening cleaning. G and my daughter were sitting calmly at the table enjoying a nutritious meal of well-seasoned salmon and asparagus. Except we shouldn't have had any salmon or asparagus for him to cook. I opened the fridge/freezer and they were full of new groceries that G had bought, including chocolate pudding which is my favorite but the other two don't eat it. He got the money to pay for all this by selling off more than half of his precious manga collection on Craigslist.
I went to thank G for what he did, but he was apologetic and wished he could do more. He felt guilty about not having a job, but felt that it was more important that somebody stay home to care for S while she is sick. I agree that it's important we don't leave her weak and vomiting in bed all day with a 2-year-old to look after. So I told him it's okay and just to concentrate on college. He seemed really guilty.
S was on the computer watching our old home movies. We all watched the baby's first crawl and first steps, and other cute videos of the three of us playing together in happier times. Then G started crying and saying that he felt like an outsider, and wanted to be part of the family but didn't think that he ever really could be. We all kinda broke down.
G asked me today if I would find a local therapist that he could see for his depression. He has feelings of inferiority and has been having a really hard time adjusting from living with his mom to dealing with all the responsibilities that I am used to as a father. He is going to see a therapist (covered by medicaid) now and the three of us are going to start having weekly meetings to talk about things, and hopefully things will get better.