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Old 08-28-2010, 08:57 PM
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Breathesgirl Breathesgirl is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Ontario, Canada
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MCow View Post
My husband recently asked me to look into the poly lifestyle. Heís been involved with another person for close to a year now and they are in love with each other. He has no intention of ending this relationship, in fact, he would like nothing more than to enhance it. She is married as well, as has no intention of telling her own husband about any of this. My husband has been pretty upfront about things with me, although even that has just been a pretty recent event. The relationship is a long distance one and they donít get to see each other much that I know of, but they text and talk on the phone several times a day. They are not sexually active, per my request, but I know my husband would like nothing more than to go ahead and become sexual with her.
Good on your husband for being truthful with you. I would, however, be cautious about her role in his life.

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or if my husband and I were to divorce and he wanted to continue the poly lifestyle with her and other women, she WOULD have a problem with sharing him as well. I think she just deals with it because Iím married to him.
She's fine as long as the other shoe doesn't drop then? She's definitely not keeper material, at least IMO. Talk to him, tell him what you see happening between the two of them. Tell him your fears. Ask him for what you need in your relationship with him.

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My husband swears that his love for me has not changed at all. We have a beautiful relationship. That by allowing him to be with this other person, that he will be happier and ultimately a better husband to me and a better father to our children. As much as Iíd like to see this happen, I cannot let go of these feelings of hurt, anger, resentment, jealousyÖ..You name it, I feel it.
www.xeromag.com has some great advice.

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I canít eat, I canít sleep. Itís the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think about at night. I would like to hear from others who have been on this roller coaster Iím currently on. How did you come around to accepting this lifestyle and how were you able to let go of all of the negative feelings? How do I get over the feelings of total craziness when I know heís going to be with her?
Read the above website. Really.

My lightbulb moment came when I realized that Breathes CHOSE to come home to me each night, each time he went out with someone else. He comes home because this is where he wants to be & I'm who he wants to be with. The only things that will change that is if I do something to cause loss of trust & do it maliciously, otherwise there's nothing that's going to change it.

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It bothers me sometimes when he and I are in the middle of something and she calls or texts because he will always either take the call or answer the text and I feel that even then, sheís in the way and I resent both of them for this.
Have the two of you talked about boundaries, set some up (other than no sex as yet)? Until he can finally tell her where to get off you might want to request that every night, for say three hours (from the start of dinner till bedtime) there be absolutely no contact between the two of them as you feel you aren't getting his undivided attention. Explain to him how all these calls & texts make YOU feel. Don't talk to him accusingly or anything like that but do let him know that those taken calls & texts are concerning you and infringing upon the time the two of you have together.
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