Struggling and looking for advice and guidance
My husband recently asked me to look into the poly lifestyle. Heís been involved with another person for close to a year now and they are in love with each other. He has no intention of ending this relationship, in fact, he would like nothing more than to enhance it. She is married as well, as has no intention of telling her own husband about any of this. My husband has been pretty upfront about things with me, although even that has just been a pretty recent event. The relationship is a long distance one and they donít get to see each other much that I know of, but they text and talk on the phone several times a day. They are not sexually active, per my request, but I know my husband would like nothing more than to go ahead and become sexual with her.
Iím struggling with several things and am looking for some feedback and advice from others who have gone through the roller coaster that Iím currently going on. Here is what I struggle with the most. The person heís involved with is much younger than both of us. Iím 41 and have been told I look much younger than that so itís not really that itís a look thing for me, I think itís just a mental block for me. It physically hurts me to think about my husband being intimate in every way with another woman. I could almost handle the emotional parts, but itís the whole sex part that I just cannot get over. Iím angry, jealous, hurtÖ.
She knows my husband loves me and is committed to me. He has no intentions of leaving me, and sheís okay with all that. In my opinion, she has no right NOT to be ďokayĒ with it all, Iím married to him. What little I know about this other person though, I do know that if the tables were turned and either she was married to my husband, or if my husband and I were to divorce and he wanted to continue the poly lifestyle with her and other women, she WOULD have a problem with sharing him as well. I think she just deals with it because Iím married to him.
My husband swears that his love for me has not changed at all. We have a beautiful relationship. That by allowing him to be with this other person, that he will be happier and ultimately a better husband to me and a better father to our children. As much as Iíd like to see this happen, I cannot let go of these feelings of hurt, anger, resentment, jealousyÖ..You name it, I feel it.
I canít eat, I canít sleep. Itís the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think about at night. I would like to hear from others who have been on this roller coaster Iím currently on. How did you come around to accepting this lifestyle and how were you able to let go of all of the negative feelings? How do I get over the feelings of total craziness when I know heís going to be with her? It bothers me sometimes when he and I are in the middle of something and she calls or texts because he will always either take the call or answer the text and I feel that even then, sheís in the way and I resent both of them for this.