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Old 08-28-2010, 06:49 PM
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MindfulAgony MindfulAgony is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 192
Unhappy on heartache, confusion and acceptance

Now to the heartache of the moment. So, I started my first new poly relationship in April since my wife and I came to our understanding. She is a wonderful woman that I believe I had started to develop a real connection. Since April, we've been together maybe 5-6 times. Not a burner of a relationship in terms of spending all of our time together. But, when we were together, it was magic - intellectually, physically, and emotionally. I was beginning to see the possibility of a fairly close, longer-term relationship.

And, then... nothing. I haven't heard from her in a month. Last I got from her is a text message saying she had fun a couple of hours after our last encounter. I'm, of course, terrified that something aweful happened to her. But, it also hasn't been unusual for her to drop completely out of communication for a couple of weeks or so. So, I thought nothing of her being incommunicato. But, after more than a month, I'm convinced that either something happened to her or she no longer wants to pursue our relationship. Either way, I'm hurt and worried.

I'm not especially in tune to what's normal for some reason. (Funny thing, I'm trained as a psychologist and my radar for normal range of behavior is broken. I guess that's why I'm not a therapist). So, I always battle with myself with what are the appropriate limits of my concern. I tend to err on the side of minding my own business in such cases. Even though I'm deeply worry that something bad happened to her, my strong desire to be a good friend and be helpful if I can is counterbalanced by my strong desire to not be a creep and be able to take a hint that she may no longer be interested.

Of course, I've called, texted and emailed her (not excessively) in the intervening month. At about the pace of communication that has been our rhythm - even without a corresponding response on her end. On Tuesday, I sent her a note essentially saying I think I get the hint that she's no longer interested and, as a result, will stop mailing her. While also suggesting that I'm worried about her health and if she's just done with me, it would ligthen my heart to know that she's ok. No response so far.

And, thus, my heavy heart. I am hurt. I am concerned. I am confused. And, I don't know what to do but sit with my feelings and try to grow in acceptance of those things I can't control.

What do you guys think? I'd appreciate any wisdom you guys can share with me.
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“Instead of getting better and better at avoiding, learn to accept the present moment as if you had invited it. And work with it instead of against it. And making it your ally rather than your enemy.”
-Pema Chodron

Last edited by MindfulAgony; 08-28-2010 at 07:43 PM. Reason: spelling/grammar
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