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Old 08-28-2010, 02:33 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Oregon, USA
Posts: 1,440

When I came out to my husband (as poly) he had a hard time understand that it wasn't about his being inadequate.
Later, he accepted that I still loved him just as much, just had more love to share (it helped that I didn't have anyone in mind at the time).
Later, when I feel in love he supported me all the way...
And told me he started feeling a bit envious. Not of my boyfriend, of me. He wanted some of that NRE too...
Talking about it I realised there is a woman he likes, too. He had mentioned being attracted to her at the time he still identified as mono, saying my polyamory made him realise he was allowed to be physically attracted to other people (I was like wow, really? I never stopped being attracted to other people! lol).
Now he seems he has developed deeper feelings for her. He really, really likes her and is starting to talk about her more and more, feeling like he's allowed to. He's very grateful to me for being supportive and allowing him to talk about it (yes, he is a lot about my "allowing" things. I guess he's used to being repressed or something?)

So, at this date he identified as a switch, relationship orientation-wise. As in, he still thinks he would have been happy all of his life having a mono relationship with me (and he never had anyone at all before me, either, so that would have been "real" monogamy right there). I believe him, I was always poly inside and would never have been able to be mono all of my life, but I think he would have been fine not even knowing about other options.
However, he feels a poly lifestyle also works for him, so in short he's actually not a wired mono. (Hence the "switch" label).

I'm very excited and thrilled. While I really didn't want to pressure him or force him to be poly, I do think it's easier when you're on the same page. I also worry less about neglecting him now that I know he will have, at least potentially, other women in his life.
He invited the woman he likes (a coworker of his) for supper in two weeks (next week is when I'm spending the weekend with my own boyfriend in Vancouver, by the way, so the weekend after that). I can't wait to meet her.
It's all complicated because they work together, and she's technically higher up than he is which makes it even trickier. But I want to at least get to meet her and make her feel comfortable around me, and if my husband could flirt a bit with her around me, at least she would be able to see it's okay...

We're going at it very slowly, but it's great seeing him so happy. I was very happy with my own NRE but on the back of my mind was a worry he was getting the short end of the deal, and now I don't have to worry about that anymore ^_^
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