Sorry to hear that you are in pain. I guess that when you involve yourself with a number of relationships there is likely to be more pain as well as more pleasure.
You sound a bit like my partner in your relationship with Michelle. He has a very close SO relationship which is non-sexual, although quite intimate and that is where our poly life started. He however, still hopes that it may someday open up to be more passionate.
I would be interested to know where your wife stands in all this?