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Old 08-27-2010, 06:04 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Originally Posted by Sparkler View Post
Our friend, whom Iíll call Phoenix, is guarding her heart more than I expected, claims she compartmentalizes well and that sex, flirting, friendship, etc are all separate experiences for her......

.....For me, unfortunately, I am in love with Phoenix. I do NOT compartmentalize well, and I knew that going in. I just donít give up my body without my heart as well. To paraphrase Chris Ware, Iíve been watching the punch coming toward me in slow motion just to see if itís really going to hurt as much as I think it is.

So, any suggestions on handling grief and longing for something I feel stupid for wanting in the first place?

Also, I'm curious to know how established couples succeed with a third. I can say right now that my primary relationship would have to take precedence for a long time--I take my marriage vows very seriously. And since we waited 10 years to get married, I wouldn't rush right into that with a third. I wonder if it is ever possible to develop an equal level of commitment in all the relationships in a triad, and how the relationship can be fair to the third if it takes years for the commitments to even out naturally?
hi there, I absolutely love how you both describe how you compartmentalize or not. I haven't heard it described that way, it totally makes sense to me and is a really great way of explaining how I feel about sex and relationships. I am with you on this, I don't compartmentalize well at all and in this day and age that often is seen as something I should work on or be ashamed of. I am not. I love that I give my relationships all my attention from many avenues and I do it for life. Once in, I'm in. Unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on how you look at it, I don't invest easily any more and will wait for as long as it takes to decide if I want to invest in someone.

I think you are handling this very well and have thought very realistically on the matter at hand. You seem to be approaching it with all eyes open and with all avenues to disaster covered. Good for you! You should feel proud I think.

I agree with your hubby I hate to say, I think this sounds like a flash in the pan thing and will likely be a one off. It sounds like she enjoyed herself and loves your friendship, but that's it for now. This might not of happened if you were not moving across the country. It sounds like she thought it would be fun to try it out because then she would have some space after to carry on with her life having chalked the situation up to experience. The tell tale sign will be what happens during the year and when you get back.

As for does this kind of thing work? .... welllll ya... there are many of us on here experiencing and living it. Do a bit of digging and reading and you will soon see that.

Poly is a journey where people are in love with creating relationships and meeting new people and loving many... rather than a mono perspective, which is more loving one and the relationship takes care of itself due to the rule list we were handed as children growing up in this culture. The interest in loving the relationship is different. It's still about love, but the energy of that love is put into different things.
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