Originally Posted by Sparkler
Also, I'm curious to know how established couples succeed with a third. I can say right now that my primary relationship would have to take precedence for a long time--I take my marriage vows very seriously. And since we waited 10 years to get married, I wouldn't rush right into that with a third. I wonder if it is ever possible to develop an equal level of commitment in all the relationships in a triad, and how the relationship can be fair to the third if it takes years for the commitments to even out naturally?
I think the better question is..."how many relationships last a long time" While finding a 3rd is tough, relationships just don';t last. You date, have fun, bump uglies and enjoy everything about each other. Once the rush is gone reality sets in and everyone sees each other with rose glasses off. My "3rd" was someone I truly loved, wanted and holy fuck lusted like a dumbass. Even after we broke up my nre was rampant. I wanted her and couldnt focus on anything. Once the nre was gone and I looked at her like I do most people, I didn't see a woman I wanted anymore. We have opposing personalities. It happens, I wouldn't expect to find a long term lover on my first date out of highschool, I sure don't expect it in poly
Being in a triad makes the dynamic more difficult and requires more fluidity. Emotions changes as does attraction. I don't know how many triads I have read about that were seemingly long term that stopped because (this is an example) the wife stopped having a sexual interest in their unicorn. Or the unicorn was falling for the husband at a different pace. That kind of thing hurts to watch.
One thing that helps is to have an open relationship. If you are looking for a unicorn to commit to you and only you then you will have huge hurdles. In a committed long term poly-fi triad, how long would YOU want to be a secondary thought in the relationship. At some point the person will want equality. And will likely deserve it. Thems the breaks
Good luck with your situation. Maybe try journalling to contain your emotions. Be prepared to be fluid in your relationships (you have 4 remember
) and work with what you have hoping more will come but don't create expectations that will hurt you more if they don't succeed....