Thanks as always. As for his wife, I'm confident she knows he's cheating, just from what she's told me, and I suspect she may have an idea who with. That's really her business, they've had issues with his infidelity long before this started. There's no sense rubbing salt in her wounds.
I'm going to give it another shot of trying to let her do this, and support her and love her. This weekend should be pretty telling. Tonight it will be the 4 of us (plus a bunch more) at a lawn fete (beer tent w/music). In a sense it's good that I'm there, helps keep the love birds in check. Tomorrow it may just be the 3 of us, and I'll be able to see the interaction better (if he doesn't pussy out again).
I do have a friend or two that are semi-aware of the issues, not the details, that I can talk to. As for my emotions, when it's all said and done, it's really up to me to find that secure place in my heart, but I'm a tough old bitch, I'll get there.