I wonder if it is ever possible to develop an equal level of commitment in all the relationships in a triad, and how the relationship can be fair to the third if it takes years for the commitments to even out naturally?[/QUOTE]
Yes, as newly involved in a triad I wonder this also?
I guess Sparkler for you only time will tell if your strong feelings are because you are poly or simply situational. If it is the former, then it will no doubt happen again and maybe that is the time you should bring it up seriously with your husband.
My partner is poly and after two years I accepted that it was not going away. His fantasy is also a triad and we have found ourselves a third. Unlike you this happened online so Ruby and I have not had a previous relationship but I love the idea of a "new best friend" because as a result of being in a poly relationship many of my old friendships have drifted away. I no longer have enough in common to sustain them.
But if you can't let this one go and wait it out, bring it up with your girlfriend (downplay the emotion a little). I think it is up to you to do that rather than her. I can imagine that she could be purposely hiding feelings she may have for the sake of your friendship. What have you really got to lose? You're going away, which would give it time to settle down, and just because you have had these feelings doesn't mean you have to act on them. On the other hand the year at a distance might give you all a chance to get your heads around the possibilities.