I'm not sure I buy that she's a cowgirl (although, I think I'll grant that I'm a serial monogamist). She places high value on my relationship with Michelle and my kids, and has pointed out several times that she admires Michelle a great deal. If she thought I'd leave Michelle (which I won't, but NRE makes you feel stupid things sometimes) she'd undoubtedly be pissed off at me.
And yes, she's deeply Christian, but she's so progressive on other topics, I can't be 100% certain that's holding her back. Family is
a big part of it, I'm sure. And the dream that most typical little girls have of growing up, finding her prince, and living happily ever after.
She keeps lamenting, "it's not fair..." She feels like she's found the man of her dreams, but so far can't reconcile the poly side of it.
As I read the varied responses here, it occurs to me that everyone's different, every relationship is different. I wish I could help her reconcile her emotions, but if she can't... then I guess it wasn't meant to be. It breaks my heart, because I think I can make her happy...
Sigh. What a shitty feeling. I'll give it time, see how she feels after a while.
Edited to add: I should clarify, Michelle is not okay with being secondary. She's okay with being dual-primary. She says she has seniority, and seniority has its privileges.