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Old 08-26-2010, 08:40 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,693

Hi there. Yes I would wonder if this is a cowgirl you've got on your hands. Not that that is bad, just not compatible with your lifestyle.

I tend to hesitate when I hear of secondaries who haven't achieved the typical goals of marriage/house/children. Sure not everyone wants that, but when one has had that and it is no longer, they at least understand it and can empathize with those that do. I actually started a thread on that if you're interested. I can't remember what its called and don't have time to find it just now... Oh! I think its called merged and unmerged relationships.

Mono, my boyfriend is a man that has been there, done that and is now quite content to be a secondary. Even if I don't concider him as such. He can write more on that if he wants.

Really all hear in your story is a whole lot of NRE and not much reality. I agree with derby, give it at least a year and a half (especially long distance!) and see where you are at then. In the mean time, work on your marriage and ensure the foundation of your life is stable. No foundation, no poly in my opinion and in your circumstances. Lastly, look after yourself, you are your own primary and I think if it were me I would be doing a lot of soul searching and question asking of myself.

There are a lot of others in your boat on threads here, perhaps doing some reading of others stories will help.
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