Thread: Negotiations..
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Old 08-26-2010, 07:33 PM
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sage sage is offline
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 633

Until now I've been pretty much a mono on here, trying not to be a a "moaning mono". Now we are exploring adding a third to make a triad. Although I have never done anything like this before, unlike your girlfriend, I'm sure her and I have similar concerns.

My partner and this woman, Ruby, are totally excited about the possibilities. She's lovely, I couldn't ask for anyone better, but I'm doing this to please my partner and because I feel like I would rather have a triad than him having V relationships.

WHile I find it fine in the present my mind does tend to get a bit freaked on the long term-picture:- will my life look normal? will I get claustrophobic? Will I lose "us"

Communication is going to be the key. I would try and get your couple onto this forum or maybe another one so that you both have places to vent, and you all get other perspectives so that you can gain some empathy for each other. I think this is really important before your emotional investment gets too high.

We are very aware that we are dealing with someone who wants to give and receive love just as we do and she has the right to expect that. If your couple can't relate to that and to your needs for things like one on one time (which I can see would be really important), then you need to reassess your participation.

OK, to summarize (sorry I'm thinking as I type). This will be scary for her and so you need to take things slowly but you do need to set out your needs and expectations. She will have emotional processing to do but she will eventually have to accept your need to build emotional and physical intimacy with each of them individually as well as jointly, if she wants a successful long term relationship.

Last edited by sage; 08-27-2010 at 08:08 AM.
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