It's over. My husband hasn't been able to go to work, he's been in such a state. We haven't stopped talking, trying to find a compromise, a way to make things work, but he just can't.
He can no longer retain an erection, he cannot climax, he tried to give himself time so that he could come around to the idea of me having phone sex by asking me to just chat via email with this other guy, but he can't do it.
He's just called me from work, crying down the phone, telling me that he is sorry but he just can't share me, he loves me too much.
He is overwhealmed with guilt because he suggested this in the first place and doesn't understand that even though he is going through hell, the fantasy of me being with another man is still there, but the reality of it all is more than he can take.
I would rather cut ties with this other man, than loose my husband or my marriage, but when he told me, I felt he had cut my heart from my chest.
I now realise that I was kidding myself, telling my husband that it was just a bit of fun and nothing serious, because it is way more than that.
Being truthful with myself, I have to admit that the feelings I have for the other guy are very real. I have made a full, emotional connection with him.
The honest truth is that I want to be with this man as much as I want my husband.
I feel I could fall in love with him and the perfect scenario for me would be for my husband to be happy to let me have a full sexual relationship with this guy, without my husband even needing to be there.
I could never tell him that as I think it would destroy him. So I am going to have to pretend and tell him that although I am dissapointed, I'll get over it, which is not the case at all, but what else can I do.
My husband has told me that he doesn't want to take away the friendship I have with this other guy, so he would be okay with me chatting to him online, as long as no kind of sex is involved, but I can't do that, so I am going to have to remove his phone number from my phone and cancel my email account and cut all ties with him, otherwise I know that eventually, I am going to cheat on my husband and call this guy.
I want this other guy so bad, he has almost become an obsession. I wish with all my heart that this had never happened and I could have kept myself in blissful ignorance.
Instead, I have a husband who is an emtional wreck, crying all the time, incapable of having sex with me anymore and I have to be the strong one and pretend that I don't mind that he's given me something wonderful and then taken it away.
I feel so miserable and I'm going to miss this guy so much, but I have no choice if I'm going to keep 23 years of marriage going. I just pray I have the strength not to call him.
Thank you all so much for trying to help, I really appreciate it. Please keep your fingers crossed for us, that we can get through this.
I feel so devastated.