Wow. I just woke up from a nap and realized that it's been a whole week since I've had a full night's sleep. I have been busy every night since last Wednesday. Now I'm not complaining, I just think I may have packed my schedule a little full!
I own a book called (title redacted due to embarrassment) that has helped me find my confidence in myself when I was feeling neurotic about various things, and I have been looking for it for nearly two weeks in anticipation of being more social. After my husband and I tore up the house and garage looking for it, we decided we must have lent it out before we moved, and I was given the go ahead to buy another copy. And I couldn't find one locally. It took a few days, but I finally tracked down a copy, gave up precious hours of sleep to re-read it, and calmed the fuck down about Seth and some other things that had me on high alert.
I went from being needy and hurt to feeling confident and amazing again, and it has really paid off for me. It helped me identify some of my needs and gave me a clear idea of how to go about getting them met.
One of the most important and surprising is that I was able to see how to patch a relationship with a female friend of mine (Liz) who had become really distant. I reconnected with her and let the poly cat out of the bag. Liz was surprised, but extremely supportive and interested, and we both benefited amazingly from the reconnection. I even told her about my waffling interest in Hunter, who is a mutual friend, and she suggested some ways to let him know what I wanted to tell him. The whole conversation was great!
Calming down about Seth was the most obvious benefit. We had made plans for him to come over on Tuesday night, but I hadn't heard anything from him. I had been a little unsure of things when we parted on Friday, and I worried that might have given him the wrong impression. He also hadn't answered a text I sent on Saturday, and I was loath to send another or call. I was afraid he would cancel on Tuesday, or to be more precise, just drop of the face of the earth and I wouldn't hear from him again. I decided to keep the plans because my husband and I could have a good night, and if Seth decided he wanted to show it would just be icing on the cake.
On a whim, I got up late Monday night to write him a small e-mail giving him an easy out for Tuesday and I found he was online. I let him know what a great weekend I had, and how Friday had been such an awesome start to it. I focused on being positive and receptive, and it made me feel better. I talked about how busy I had been and how it was going to be great to have a relaxing evening at home. I was surprised and gratified when he asked if we were still on for our plans. I told him that I was looking forward to seeing the movie he was supposed to bring, and asked if he would help me with the shopping for dinner. He agreed, and we set a time to meet the next day.
The evening turned out great in the end, despite a minor miscommunication between Mr. Unicorn and I. Dinner was tasty, the DVD was awesome, and Seth and my husband seemed to have a good time talking (they're both pretty gregarious, so this was the one thing I felt confident about). Mr. Unicorn set things up so that Seth and I could sit together during the movie, and he retired to the computer room while there was still some evening left, creating the space and time for Seth and I to reconnect.
It was necessary reconnection, too. Seth had been friendly yet distant all through the evening, and though we were both enjoying talking, I really needed to feel connected to him before he left. We ended up on the love seat playing on the laptop, and I got to share some videos and music that I really like. It was kinda loud, and Mr. Unicorn popped out to say he was heading to bed and could we wrap it up in about ten. I was sad to put the music away, but I understood that it was noisy and we decided to take the dog out for a walk instead.
The moon was pretty and we talked about astronomy and music. I didn't know that Seth was partially deaf in one ear, and a few behaviors of his now made a lot of sense. The walk was nice, but the dog alerted to something in the bushes, and fearing bears or moose, we cut it short. Back inside, he helped me clean the kitchen and we wound the evening down. I think we stood at the door for a half an hour, just lingering for the sake of being in one another's company.
We made no plans, but I am sure hopeful.
In the morning, Mr. Unicorn was distant and curt and I was a bit worried. He said it was because he had gone to bed alone and had woken up alone and it just put him in a bad mood. (He was still sleeping when I got up to make breakfast, and he didn't remember my coming to bed in the evening.) After work, he explained that he had been upset because he had wanted me to come to bed with him because he wanted to reconnect, but he was frustrated that he hadn't been very clear about it. I immediately reworded what he had said when he was going to bed the night before and felt like an idiot, and I apologized. He said he wasn't mad at me because he felt it was his fault for not being very clear.
I let him know I appreciated the time with Seth, and that I felt much more at ease about the whole situation. He let me know that Seth seemed like an interesting guy. Mr. Unicorn said he had been feeling a bit of jealousy, but he thinks it was just situational and mostly because he was just tired. We'll keep our eyes open for anything similar in the future, and just continue building and enjoying our relationship.
All in all, I feel it was a very successful endeavor, and I'm looking forward to what the future brings.