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Old 08-24-2010, 05:18 PM
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MindfulAgony MindfulAgony is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Seattle, WA
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Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
I think this is a great idea. I don't think your feelings are bad, no feelings are bad and don't make you a bad person. They are ones that need adjusting in order to not be hypocritical, but the way of getting there is what's important...

Sometimes walking right up to feelings and walking through them is the only way. A lot of time I think people are scared to experience them and so avoid them or do what they think is right by others and then feel worse. Really, facing up to the fear and pulling a part what the feeling is really can make us learn and grow... so as to make a change with full knowledge of why.

Jealousy is a big one to face up to, but I have found that there is always a deeper issue/need behind it that can be very useful. Perhaps you will find that in this situation.
Very good advice redpepper. Instead of focusing on whether or not the feelings are valid or good or bad, it's better to really focus on the feelings themselves. As redpepper said, walk right up to them and, if possible, through them. The self insight that can come from fully experiencing your feelings can give you a better sense of why you can't share - irrespective of whether you decide to share in the end or not. The self-insight is much more important than the outcome.

An added side benefit is that the intimacy you can create by sharing that journey with your partner is also pretty spectacular. This is hard because of what those feelings bring up in you. Sharing the good and bad of my emotional states is really the hardest for me. But, the deepest levels of intimacy can be achieved by having a partner close by while you walk through those feelings.
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“Instead of getting better and better at avoiding, learn to accept the present moment as if you had invited it. And work with it instead of against it. And making it your ally rather than your enemy.”
-Pema Chodron
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