Without brakes, then...?
It's fun to drive fast and feel the wind in your hair and watch the scenery slip by as you hurtle toward your destination. Last night was one of those hard-driving nights. We visited B and H at their home again. H announced early on that he was "out of commission" after a work-related accident to his, um, genitals. But he didn't want us to stop us from having fun, and he actually rather liked the idea, especially because the other three of us promised him some fun without me when things repaired themselves. The evening started slowly as we watched some things on TV and ate pizza and wings. H pulled the foldout couch out so the other three of us could relax, as it were. After a while I sat next to H and talked about a bunch of stuff while we let my wife and B kiss and talk.
An hour later, my wife and B were still kissing and talking, and H announced that, "Hey, if you want to start anything, be my guest." This was the equivalent of throwing a match on gasoline for B, and she started getting very intimate with my wife, eventually having sex with her while I held her. Then B turned her attentions to me, then back to her for a long while, then back to me again. All the while H was watching and smiling. Eventually, B and I were in a long naked embrace. We talked about our feelings towards each other, our goals and desires. She has fallen for me, that is very obvious. She spoke of love. I was honest with her that I was starting to fall in love with her as well, but I was nervous about the pace and the effect it might have on H and my wife. She said she had also fallen in love with my wife, although in a different way. Meanwhile, my wife and H were showing each other much affection. B was almost in tears, saying "that is not how H usually is, your wife is very special to him." We kissed and held each other until our bodies seemed fused.
But now the downside, when the car needs to have some brakes. My wife is starting to fear the intensity of the relationship between B and I. So am I. B can put on a very tough exterior but she is extremely vulnerable. She is used to men not showing her physical affection, and she is used to thinking of men as being pigs. H is not a pig but he has not always shown her the affection she wants, so I come along and, right. So she's fallen hard for that part of me. And I'm scared about the effect it's having on me. I want to help that vulnerable side of her, and that's the wrong thing to do. Patronizing to her, offensive to my wife, and dangerous for me. My wife says it is OK to love her. But I fear what the consequences of that are, for my wife and for H and for me. And I'm so scared. My wife is supporting me and letting me express how I feel toward B but at the same time she realizes that we could be in for a great crash.
B wants my love. But cars need brakes and sometimes love needs limits, for cars without brakes hurt people and sometimes love does as well.