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Old 08-23-2010, 07:11 PM
jkelly jkelly is offline
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 168

Originally Posted by Indigomontoya View Post
the results are I now have more female friends when telling them after establishing a good basis for a relationship (relationship in the broad sense of the word, friend or partner).

Predominantly the response has been a reluctance to 'share' me with TP. I can understand their point of view, but I feel I am not conveying the idea of a poly relationship well enough to be convincing.
I imagine that you're right about that, but that you shouldn't concentrate on it as the thing to fix.

In general, people wind up in poly- relationships because they are either a) themselves committed to having poly- relationships, or b) because someone they really want to be with is. It's just going to be really challenging to talk someone into committing to a poly- relationship by selling polyamory. I think it's going to be a lot easier to be someone who seems like a really great person to date, and then make poly- look the way to get to do that.

Originally Posted by Indigomontoya View Post
I know this may not be the case all of the time but two of the women are definitely interested and are having issues coming to terms with sharing someone they are dating, both have said this outright (yes TP I took your advice and asked) and the others have asked things like "You have someone? is that not enough?"

I am wondering if anyone has stories, or advice in the phrasing and explaining what poly means, or what being with someone who is poly means.
Many people aren't going to find even the most brilliant and engaging description of polyamory in theory very compelling. Instead of working on how you can phrase things better, I think that modelling it well will be substantially more effective.

If you're mostly meeting people online, that may be impractical. But if you are developing friendships where there is some mutual interest, but they're not enthusiastic about being in a poly- relationship, invite them to spend time with you and TP, or you and TP and Mr. A (if that's possible and the dynamic is a good, um, advertisement for being poly-). I don't mean to trick them into dates; you should respect that they are only interested in friendship. But nourishing those friendships may lead them to being more open to polyamory personally in the future, or suggesting it to their other friends, if they see it being lived in a sane, rewarding way.
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