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Old 08-23-2010, 05:07 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Originally Posted by Tonberry View Post
That feeling, I believe, at least in my case, isn't jealousy. It's loneliness, abandonment, the feeling of not being appreciated, not being important........

I've worked on myself to be less dependent on people and realise that things do happen. When someone doesn't answer their phone, I used to assume they were either upset with me or too busy having fun to answer. But now I realise that's not the case.

I think it takes a lot of trusting to stop feeling that way. You need to trust that even though they're away and not in contact with you, these people still care about you, and you're still important to them. Just like they're still important to you. In the end, for me it turned out to be my own insecurities talking, and the reason why the person or people in question couldn't be reached was irrelevant to that. And the time, with no contact, no knowledge of what they were, what they were doing, I obsessed and imagined the worst and fell into a depressive state, mixed with a lot of resentment because they "were hurting me", and "if they loved me they wouldn't be doing that to me", but really, I was doing it to myself.
I like this. It backs up my theory of jealousy for myself. There is always something behind jealousy. Until I find what's behind it or at the bottom of it, it is jealousy. I have to walk right up to the feelings and pull them all a part. Jealousy is not one emotion/feeling, it is many all lumped together. Once pulled a part, then it becomes something a group of feelings, as you have said above Tonberry.

We, as a culture are not used to feeling envy or jealousy. It makes us feel uncomfortable and we try to avoid what makes us uncomfortable. That isn't always the best plan I don't think because it doesn't move us forward. When it comes to poly people being jealous, we really do need to look at it because often other people are relying on us to.

Originally Posted by Tonberry View Post
I've always seen jealousy as being directed at "the other one", or at least something where "the other one" is relevant, but in your case you're not talking about how you thought she was better, or that he loved her more than you, you were annoyed that you couldn't reach him and it made you feel like he had brushed you off.
This is an interesting thought. hmmmm... so what you are saying is that its only jealousy if it's to do with someone else, rather than how one feels about a situation?

I think it can easily be both. But I hadn't thought of different kinds of jealousy....

neon offers some great threads. I hope that they were helpful. doing a tag search might help you find more.
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