So in the past several months, much has changed.
I've been confronting the irrational beliefs that were left from my last relationship.
- I'm not attractive.
- I don't deserve sex.
- I don't like sex (yes, he told me... that *I* don't like sex.)
- I'm too fat for sex.
I've found people who say they are poly, but they are interested in sex first, and relationship later. Which seems rather swingerish to me. At this point, I'm leaning more towards swinging. I'd like to see what is out there. My goal is to settle into a poly relationship.
In the meantime, I've gotten a job, and have an hour commute. I'm renting a bedroom from a guy I met at a poly meeting. We're having wonderful conversations. And the combination of job and sex have greatly improved my confidence.
Meanwhile, I'm preparing to move, and life is far more interesting than I expected.
So I'm healing, and continuing on the journey.