Thread: De-lurking
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Old 08-21-2010, 07:13 PM
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Majikdancer Majikdancer is offline
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 23
Post De-lurking

Hi I am majik, been lurking here for a couple weeks. Lurking meaning on here several times a day. Following new threads, reading old threads. I feel like I already know a lot of you.

I am a married bisexual female. Married for almost 13 years to a wonderful supportive bi-male. We have been poly since we met online 14 years ago.

Between us we have 4 wonderful children. One male almost 20 who is going into his second year of schooling to be a firefighter/paramedic. He currently works at least one 24 hour shift as a student volunteer. One 17 year old daughter that lives 3000 miles away and is about to enter her senior year in high school. She has plans to go to Temple after high school. One 17 year old daughter that lives locally and is also going into her senior year. She only knows right now that she wants to do something creative not sure if it will involve school or not. She is trying her hand right now at some freelance photography. And she rocks it. . One almost 13 going on 30 year old daughter. The only one that lives with me. Like her brother she longs to fight fires, but also wants to write. She is currently starting the process very slowly and only places where she is sure of her reception of coming out as bi. We weren't surprised and are very very proud of her level of self acceptance as well as her understanding that she is young and there is no rush. Ya I am a proud mamma.

Hubby and I have not been practicing poly for about 5 years. For various reasons. Most of them having to do with a completely disastrous long term mess that I got myself into. It was not only a poly mess, but an employment mess, and a D/s mess. It ended up hurting both of us badly. And it hurt my kids. Some parts of that are still tender. But that is for a different thread at a different time if at all.

Recently I have been considering trying again. Been re-connecting to a man I knew 20 years ago. We were talking, flirting etc. Hubby knew all this and D (man 2) knew that Hubby (A) knew. First rule no secrets. Because of D and I not having been in contact for so long, and A not knowing D really at all we were going really really really slowly. A has been out of town since the 6th of August. I texted him the other night and asked for permission (sounds like the wrong term, but I needed his OK) to kiss D nothing more. That went off without a hitch. I got all excited .. NRE all over the place. D strangely backed off. I pushed. Managed to end up stomping ALL OVER a boundary. Not just between me and A but I think D's also. Also made a fool of myself, and probably lost a friend I have had for over two decades. A knows and we have talked about it a bit. I am sure there is more talking to be done. D I haven't head a word from. I am afraid to send anymore texts. I sent one apologizing and promised to leave him alone. I would dearly love to call or better yet email and try to explain myself better. But I will wait on that and see. I will at least wait until A is home on the 28th so we can have a long talk first. I am also working on slowly writing a long email to A about what is going on with me but having a bit of trouble with that.

OK this turned into a novel. Not my intent. Peace to all.
Jealousy, that dragon which slays love under the pretence of keeping it alive. -Havelock Ellis
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