Thanks for the nice feedback.
I totally agree with you re triads. I decided that our relationship would be easier on me if I was not so tied up with be mono. I initially investigated having a relationship with another guy but he really had no idea about polyamory, all the usual "my wife doesn't understand me" crap. He was just looking for a "poly, get out of jail free card".
But good news is we may have found ourselves a unicorn!! Lots of really good communication online and via text and we're all meeting up tomorrow.
Oh and I was thinking about this while gardening and I realized that one of the reasons I had this jealousy crisis was because neither of us really knew what the hell we were doing. A good understanding of polyamory should mitigate a lot of jealousy pain.