So yesterday was fun for a while. B had a little suggestion..."your wife said I could tease you at work, mind if I send you a few texts during the day?" Oh, why not. A series of playful, affectionate, and deeply naughty texts reached my phone. Made it all rather difficult to concentrate on the job I have to say. And the conclusion was...rather intimate. Think slashing of boundaries, of exclusivity. I think it's a fantasy B and my wife and I had but--maybe it was a little too fast.
B and I talked last night with my wife sitting next to me. I noticed my wife getting more and more nervous as I talked. B had to leave and immediately my wife opened up. She said she wasn't sure if she could continue with things. There were so many concerns and worries she had, and she admitted a huge jealousy of me and B. I told her again, tell me if you need this to stop, and I will, because our love is non-negotiable and I do not want to lose you. She said she couldn't because she didn't want to let me down. Many tears were shed by both of us. I am frightened of losing her every day for many reasons (not the least of which is because I know that her orientation points elsewhere for the most part) and I feared again last night.
After a frustrating morning--don't ask--she and I couldn't communicate until this afternoon. She said she had been "processing things" and needed to talk. She had been reading many things (including this board) and read a lot of stories. This is all very new for her. She said she felt she now understood where her jealousy was coming from, and that although it was going to be hard she wanted to work through things. And just then B started texting both of us....and the three of us have been texting madly since, all about where we want this to go and what the boundaries are and what all four of us--including H--need and want.
So tomorrow night we are meeting for a non-sexual get together. I am looking forward to this more than any other get-together...all right, I am lying a little, but the need to clear the air between the four of us is extremely, extremely welcome right now. I don't know what any of the conclusions are going to be. But I do know that all four of us are going to get a fair, respectful hearing. And that's what we need, badly.
This all started with four people wanting to throw clothes and inhibitions to the floor, and it's progressed to four people trying to figure out where they're going in life...are we ships in the night, will we walk together for a while, or will we set things on fire? I don't know. I have no right to call this "poly" (and H specifically does not want to use that word), but it's something more than swinging now.