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Old 08-19-2010, 04:33 PM
cattwoman cattwoman is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 6
Default Continued pain....

So the drama in my "relationship" is continuing... I put relationship in quotes because while the title is there... and the feelings its not much of a relationship.... (there's a previous thread that explains the sticky situation).

Basically I gave A (wife) time to deal with her emotional problems-a "break" wasn't exactly what I really wanted but she was interested in seeking professional help for her depression and issues and I wanted to respect her needs and give her the space needed to do this. She had appts with a psychiatrist and a therapist and she even told them about our relationship and told them she wanted to work on her feelings towards it. I was pleased to see that she was genuinely making an attempt. She sent me a fb message and even said that she wanted to work on things.... This was almost 3 weeks ago. T (hubby) and I have continued out texting relationship primarily when he is working... This has all started to take a tremendous toll on me emotionally. I have this "relationship" that has all the definitions of a relationship but none of the emotional benefits-he and I talk about our feelings etc but there's been no physical contact in over a month.. And no its not just physical but the distance is starting to weigh very heavily on me. Even worse she has taken such an absent role in it that-I do feel like we are emotionally cheating because at this point she is almost non-existent (by her choosing). It is also effecting my feelings for her-with her absent my feelings for her have dwindled to mutual friendship and respect.

A major problem is that there has been no progress-I found out the other night that she has stopped therapy. Apparently she told the therapist that she had asked him to stop the relationship but for selfish reasons and she wanted to work through them.... They in turn replied that T should have respected her feelings about it and since he didn't..... The also want her to focus on her happiness and how she can be happy... insert therapist babel here. Now she has decided that she wants to deal with things on her own bc she didnt like what they had to say. Now I do believe that the therapist prob did tell her to focus on her happiness, etc but it frustrates me that when she heard something that she didn't want to hear that she wants to give up... Therapy is hard work-your not going to hear what you want to hear. Its a process. Im frustrated most that I want her to get the help she needs (not from a selfish standpoint but bc I see how unhappy she is-she really really needs this!!!). The other irritating thing is that I had no clue that she had said she wanted this/us to stop. I have always told them both that I get it if her feelings for this have changed-I would have walked away long before if that were the case... Now I'm emotionally involved and I do love him and now I'm getting hurt bc she now is admitting to "change of heart"....
Even worse T told me the other night that they have had a long time to work on their marriage and that maybe they just aren't meant to be and that he wont be happy without me and that she might be happier wo him.... Puts a lot of stress on me-I KNOW I need to leave (she has lots of things to work out and her feelings towards me hasn't changed and she is no longer seeking the appropriate help needed to deal with all of her issues-not just me) but my feelings for him keeps pulling me back in... I do love him. I don't want to break up a marriage-that has never been my intention. I worry that if I do leave that he has told me that he can no longer be happy without me in his life. I worry that if I do leave that he will eventually leave her-I end up that evil mistress despite leaving for unselfish reasons. (not to mention that emotionally I feel like I'm getting my teeth kicked in wo being able to have him in my life the way I want it).
Im thinking about sending her a message asking to talk-that I want to know where things are with her. I need to know if her feelings have changed and this is no longer what she wants then I NEED TO KNOW-If thats the case I would have left a long time ago before I completely fell in love with him. I know that if I loose him it will be very difficult but I will make it... but the constant ups and downs is tearing me up. I just dont know how she will respond to me... And I know that at this point I have nothing to loose... Just scared of the truth and what the consequences are....
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