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Old 08-19-2010, 01:34 AM
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idealist idealist is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Deep South
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Default Personal Space and Bisexuality

I totally understand about personal space!! I absolutely have to have it.


Years ago.....After dating for 18 months, my female partner and I decided to move in together. We were already in therapy- not because we were having problems, but because we wanted a professional opinion about our relationship.

We did live together for 12 years and had a very functional relationship and one of the advantages we had was a result of something our therapist suggested and we took it seriously.

We each had our own personal space within the house. We had a BR that we shared and we shared a Living Room and Kitchen/eating area, of course. But we also each had a private and personal "sitting room" in the house. The personal spaces were considered sacred and we each gave special attention to turning our individual spaces into something that was special for each of us.

The agreement was that a closed door was considered normal and healthy. An open door did not mean that someone could freely enter, however. But we would invite each other into our spaces, occassionally. When I was in her space, I would consider it a special privilege and would act accordingly. She would do the same in my space.

Therefore, we would make dates and wait to be invited into each other's spaces. It kept things really special for us!

Years later, I purchased a house with John. He has two sons. While planning how we would use the 2,400 square feet, we had agreed that I would have the Living Room/Dining Room combination for my office and sitting room. That would be my personal space.

The doorway from the Front Entrance was open and I was mentioning about how I would be needing a door there. John said that he didn't understand why I needed a door. After numerous conversations, it was obvious that he did not undertand my need for space and I realized I could not live with him. He bought me out and is still living there with his sons.....

I also wanted to say something about bisexuality. If PN is bisexual and without a male partner, that can cause a great deal of discomfort also.
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