Okay. Things feel much better for me lately. First of all, I had a conversation with an ex-lover which finally made me realize that having feelings for someone else doesn't mean that your feelings for your partner are compromised. I know it probably seems like a little thing to you guys, but it was important for me. This ex-lover has expressed an interest in seeing each other romantically again whenever/if ever I should be ready, which felt kind of nice, I'll admit. It felt nice, I'm considering it, and I'm still madly in love with my boyfriend. How about that.
Thinking about how I would feel if roles were reversed has always been tremendously helpful for me when I'm struggling with something, and now I feel like I have an example I can use for myself in this situation. It's good.
Then, when I told my bf about this, he was so completely cool about it, loving, supportive and encouraging, ready to help me out in any way he could; he really set a great example. It was the weirdest thing; he would say "I'm interested in so-and-so", and I had no idea how to react, so I defaulted into the reaction that I had been conditioned to accept as normal. I knew that I wasn't reacting in a way I felt good about, but didn't know what else to do. His reaction has made me see what's possible for my own behaviour. Does that make sense?
I really do WANT to do this. I still have things to learn and to practice, and I'm sure I'll still fuck up from time to time, but the next time my guy says to me that he's interested in so-and-so, my intention is to smile and say "That's cool, she's awesome."
Wish us luck.
Last edited by luckygirl; 08-19-2010 at 01:41 AM.