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Old 08-18-2010, 05:37 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,723

@SNeacail- what have you been asking for for 10 years? Jeezuz I hope things change before then for me. I'm so relieved someone understands though. Its so great you get time to yourself when the scouts are away *jealous/envious*.

I have a bedside table made out of a chest with my alter stuff in it that I haven't taken out since we moved to that house 9 years ago. Last place I had space for an alter. I took it out to do some rituals around child birth and at other times but not since and there is no where perminant to put it. I have part of a closet. ... Um, that's it. My sewing stuff is in storage, my painting supplies at the studio my parents built that I don't feel comfortable using anymore since my trust of them has wavered (they have used it as leverage to get me to do what they want; manipulation. Its complicated. Not to mention my on going fear that if I am not on my best behaviour around them they will try to get my child taken away... You would have to read my coming out thread for that explanation). I have a computer in the kitchen that I occationally joke and put air walls around and say I'm in my bedroom. I outline it with my hands and everyone laughs. I don't laugh.
I know I have so much. I get that, I am lucky to have anything at all in the way of a house etc. Can anyone imagine though being around others every moment of your life? I have created that I know, and I love being with people, but every second is too much. Is it so much to ask to have four walls around me and a door to close sometimes? A place where I can turn around and not have anyone there? A space where I have all my things. Including the posters I have been collecting that sit in a pile on top of the bookshelf in the bedroom that I collected when we were looking for another house?

Maybe I need a good swift kick and wake up call to tell me I'm being selfish? Or maybe I need someone to witness my life and say "you know, you don't seem to ever get space for yourself" acknowledgement of some kind would help at this point as I am feeling guilty about it as much as demanding. Please feel free to challenge me. I'm ready for anything.
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