Yesterday was so very freaking miserable and at the same time turned out to be so wonderful by this morning.
Dh is retired (young - he raises our children) and his new lady is home a lot as well. They get a lot of time to communicate. I may or may not get time to communicate with him during my work day depending on my work day, how much work I have to do and how busy my office is (after this I'm pretty much offline until I clear my desk - I think you may see me resurface around 4pm)
So at dinner - she texts him. Something sweet and lovely and designed to bring his attention and focus right back to her. Overall - I don't mind those texts - afterall - without that kind of communication - you don't build a loving romantic relationship. And she's my friend. So I'm really happy for both of them.
At any rate - something snapped. I said in a really nasty, sarcastic tone "Does she really think that THIS is an appropriate time to be texting that to you???"
Which started a motherloving fight.
He accused me of being jealous - I kept reiterating that I was MAD because it wasn't an appropriate time for that - not that I was jealous of it - but because she gets ALL DAY with him and I don't.
Yeah - I recognize now - with the help of a couple friends - that its jealousy - but not of the text or of her, per se.
He said some things to me which made me see red - really - he should know better than to push THOSE particular buttons - and we ended up retreating into strained silence. He managed to calm down, apologised to me for how he reacted to me and I, well I don't calm down as fast... and I stayed mad-ish. Silent. Irritated.
We went for a family walk. Did some talking. I gave him some things to think about - and since I get emails on my phone - I received some things to think about. I had hoped we would be able to talk more after the boys went to bed.
My brother and his wife were at our house when we got home. They stayed, chatting until 11pm. I go to bed between 10.30 and 11pm usually. Lately life hasn't been usual.
So they left and there was this ... distance between us. A horrible stressful uncomfortable distance.
I talked to him. Told me what I needed from him. He agreed. He said he would. And he continued to give lip service to it.
I asked him a very pointed question - to which he had a small lightbulb go off. Not that he changed his actions.
We went to bed, I was still feeling frustrated and that my needs were going to continue to go unmet - but I didn't want to be a nag.
I came out of the bathroom and explained to him how I understood those posts where the spouse is frustrated by the g/f or oso getting the romance and lovely gestures without having to ask, nag or do anything but be.... and she's just getting the day to day bills, the mundane, the crap and NOT getting the romance despite asking for it.
I told him that yeah, I was jealous. I was jealous because I REMEMBER that strong confident sexxy man who pulled me close and kissed me our first "date" when I first walked into the room - and how I MISSED that. I NEEDED that. I wasn't jealous because she's getting it, I'm jealous because she's getting it just for BEING and I have to beg for it.
He says he hears me. I said that I wasn't trying to hurt him, but he's been saying that all f'ing night. He says he's had an "aha" moment and that he GETS it. I said again... I'd been hearing it all night and that I will believe it when I see it.
And I have been seeing it. Last night, this morning, its been wonderful. I made a concious choice to do something I hadn't been doing in a while and I'm sure that contributed. Its not all him - I need to do some of the work too. But its been amazing for the last 10 hours.
I know we can work through this. He's my love - our 11th anniversary is on Saturday. We've been together for 12.5 years now. I hope... that this isn't a momentary blip.
But for now, I'm amazingly happy, not feeling insecure, not feeling afraid, and just loving him...