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Old 08-18-2010, 04:20 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
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Thanks to both of you.

I don't read really, due to my dyslexia, but I will do some searching and see what its about. thanks M

I haven't given up on the idea of a holiday at your place gemini. I just don't know yet. I'm trying the full van experience first. I was saying to PN this morning that its great to have a break but I require a lifestyle change. It really has nothing to do with Mono although he offers me some respite at the OH and his presence in my life has prolonged the trapped feeling I've had; made it feel less. PN seems to think that it does have something to do with him, but I have been talking about not feeling like I have a space for me for years.

We talked again on the way to work. I am so close to the surface with this. My emotions overwhelm immediately. Our boy spends the whole time telling us to stop talking. How do I teach him that its important that everyone has a chance to talk bout their needs and sometimes people get upset while having a need to talk? My parents spent my whole childhood trying to belittle my need to talk about needs due to the passion have and feel when I do. Now as an adult I am the same way and am made to stop talking by my son. Talk about reliving a trauma. I keep reminding him that we all need to talk, but he's too young to know more than that I think. I understand he thinks I'm angry and it scares him. I'm scary when angry. There is no doubt about that!

I asked PN if he understood what I have been saying. I feel so unheard. He wanted to know AGAIN what I mean by space. I've been over it and over it. I got him to think about empathizing and what I have been saying. I'm trying to get him to do the leg work. He said he would try to get out of the house once a week, as he hardly ever goes out. I am sorry to say, but I just saw that as an insult at this point. That and false promises. I have been disappointed so often before, I just don't believe it. He's promised that before even. I guess one thing is he got what I have suggested as far as changing our living situation. I told him I would have to rent a bachelor suite if it doesn't change.
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