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Old 08-18-2010, 03:48 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: New England USA
Posts: 1,231

Originally Posted by dragonflysky View Post
I tend to think my couple should take the lead in how to "do" this "poly stuff", since they're the ones who introduced me to it and both of them were wanting a poly relationship. They've been together for about 2 years,
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I think some of it is that one of my concerns in being poly is not having the amount and type of time I'd like with our guy. I've been living on my own for about 8 years now, so I feel particularly "needy" in terms of wanting attention, affection, sex, touch, companionship, etc. I'm not sure I'd want to ever have another guy in addition to our guy. I might be a "mono" with a "poly". Who knows???? I try to be open while remaining true to myself. I'm just not always sure who my "self" is!
Yea Dragon, I understand.

Reality is though, that nobody in this situation is "leading" - it's a joint exploration. Yea, 2 years for some may seem like an eternity but I suspect that many, many people even on this forum will echo that 2 years isn't even getting your feet wet ! You're all still learning and exploring together. Make allowance for that and don't hesitate to take a lead in areas you feel secure and knowledgeable about. You each will have unique perspectives and unique concerns and weaknesses. Play as a team - help each other out but each have their own specialties - if that makes sense.


Yea - we got a couple threads running here already on time concerns. Yourself, currently being solo, are naturally likely to have more time you are going to want to invest in this. It may not be viable for everyone. Get used to this aspect ! Until you have had MUCH more time to integrate each other into the other's daily lives this can generate more conflict than it deserves. Be patient, be creative and work for closeness and integration. If you can move that forward some of the time constraints will disappear of their own accord. Until that happens try to be patient. It's hard-yes-I know. But being unreasonable and demanding will only create conflict.

Keep going............

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