jennjuice, I have heard your situation called poly-fidelity.
Phisch, when my ex husband and I first opened our relationship, we were in a similar boat. He's straight, I am bi. He had not accepted my bi nature for the first couple decades of our relationship, but finally came to accept it and even become titillated by it.
So, after some fantasizing, we met a woman and he began to have a romantic relationship with her. We were hunting for a unicorn... a single bi woman. But it turned out she and I werent attracted to each other.
He had told both of us he didnt want me to date a man, but only women. I didnt think this was fair, but we didnt discuss it much b/c back then, our kids were young and I really didnt have time or energy or interest in dating.
But his gf was appalled at the idea that he would try to prevent me from seeing men as well as women, should I meet any likely prospects. Soon enough he realized how sexist he was being, and agreed I had autonomy to date/have sex with, anyone I wanted.
Ach, the patriarchy. It weirds me out that so many women today ID as bi, but men are stuck in the idea that 2 men together is gross. And they have jealousy around their wives seeing other men, but are OK with her seeing another woman! What is so damn magical about a stupid penis? She could fall as deeply in love with another woman as with another man, causing similar NRE issues, after all. She might fall in love with a masculine dyke. Is that OK? Or can she only date lipstick lesbians, like in porn?
<gets off soapbox>
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley
me: Mags, 59, living with:
miss pixi, 37