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Old 08-18-2010, 12:49 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
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Originally Posted by LT4everu2 View Post
So go ahead and bash me and say i am controlling his emotions. I just simply see things from the side he does not. So i guess i am trying to protect him and myself from the pain. Maybe it is my jealousy??? This is where i get confused. Could this jealousy????
haha! no, I don't think bashing is useful. besides, you have every right to feel the way you do.... welcome to the forum btw!

I think it is perfectly reasonable to want to go slower and be more conscious of the process. I call it "going at the pace of the one who is struggling the most." Not easy for us fast ones! but if you want something long term and with depth and connection for the long haul, I have known no other way personally.

It doesn't sound like you are jealous, maybe reasonable with a man that is experiencing NRE (new relationship energy)? Be patient and put your foot down about boundaries that really hurt you... keep negotiating what you need and what your boundaries are until it feels right for you... this is an on going process with poly and you will likely find that it comes naturally with time. that doesn't mean it gets EASIER, just easier to hone in on what is going on for you the more you experience.

Remember that everything should stay as fluid as possible. Staying stuck on the triad thing, might not be a good thing... again, process, negotiate and set boundaries that work for both of you.

poly love is different than mono love in many ways, but one is that if you are in a couple situation and your partner is going through NRE they don't have the freedom to completely let that wash over them. they have a responsibility to the other partners and responsibilities in their life. It kinda sucks that way, but when it is kept at bay it lasts and lasts... I still have tons of NRE for my sweet Mono after 20 months!

I hope you take the time to read around and talk with your man about what you find. I have found this forum to be a very connecting tool with Mono and others in my life. We have been able to stay on the same page more easily because of it. Perhaps you will find the same thing.
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Last edited by redpepper; 08-18-2010 at 12:53 AM.
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