View Single Post
  #2  
Old 08-17-2010, 04:16 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Kansas City Metro
Posts: 2,186
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by tinylove View Post
My boyfriend has also never been in a poly relationship, up till this point he was mono. his friend has but I do not think he fully understands the concept of them. (they are also young so I think this may play in to it)

....

They also feel like my since I am married that my primary has me and they only have part of me they feel that it won't be able to go any farther than that and I think that scares them a little.

....

This past weekend we were all hanging out together. This was a first time thing for me to be around all three of them. I found myself not knowing how to respond to each of them and I found myself kinda turning off , I feel awkward and I am not sure how to be when I'm around them. At this point I only see my boyfriend once a week so I want to give my attention to him, but then I feel like I am neglecting my primary. Then of course there was my boyfriends best friend whom I could feel wanted to be with me too but we couldn't really talk about it. Not sure what I can do ?
It sounds to me like everybody involved needs to figure out what they need from a relationship, then figure out what needs they expect to be filled by this specific relationship, and then y'all can figure out actual expectations.

This exercise includes you. You say you feel as if you're neglecting your primary by spending time with somebody else. That's a personal issue, there. If you're giving him enough time that he's satisfied, then you're not neglecting him and the issue is entirely yours.

THat you said you couldn't really talk about the tangle suggests there are major communication issues, too. If you can't talk about it with the others involved, then I can only see problems for you in the future. If *they* can't talk about it then I can only see problems for you in the future.
__________________
When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
Reply With Quote