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Old 08-17-2010, 06:00 AM
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Derbylicious Derbylicious is offline
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: Victoria BC
Posts: 1,603

Originally Posted by redpepper View Post

NP thinks that it's because I don't love him. He thinks our connection is broken for good. He thinks that he has forced me out and its because of the break up whatever it was thingy with roly that I have decided this. It's not. It was the catalyst, but not because of it.

He has asked me to be more loving, more huggy, more sex, more fun times and more NRE... or ORE (old relationship energy) and I can't do that if I am not getting some of my needs met. I can live without Mono downstairs, but I can't live with this lack of space anymore. It is making me feel disconnected and inward as I protect myself and go into my head to have space. I can't put out if I am not receiving...

I feel so selfish.
Who am I to make demands like this?
Has he not given the whole way along?
Sounds like a lot to be asking all at once. Seems to me like the place to start is with the fun times together. Once the fun starts happening and you rediscover each other either things will fall back into place or you'll find a new normal. The 2 of you are very much a part of each other's lives and you'll find that new way of being together.

If your needs are being met you're more likely to be able to meet the needs of others. It's like on the plane, put your own oxygen mask on first. If you're not taking care of you, you can't take care of anyone else. I'm glad that you've found yourself your own space. Relationships are give and take, as much as PN is asking of you it's fair for you to ask things of him too. The give and take and push and pull brings people to a middle ground. Listen to your needs and ask for what you need.
Everything will be ok in the end. If it's not ok it's not the end.
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