Originally Posted by saudade
There are lots of concepts (marriage and poly included) that I just see as boxes. Everybody throws stuff in their box, and wraps it, and then calls the sum of the parts X. For the 'marriage' box, lots of people throw monofidelity in-- but there's lots of other stuff we can choose to put in (with or without monofidelity):
- remaining together until death
- raising children
- combining finances
- purchasing property
- sharing a home
- taking care of each other
Every marriage has a box that defines it... Sometimes the people involved discuss what to put in and what to throw away, and some of it in there because the entire culture around them has it that way, and some of it just gets thrown in through habit and repetition.
My marriage box with K is primarily about: lifetime partnership; solidifying the trunk of our poly constellation; an explicit agreement to raise children together as our own; and a financial merger for mutual convenience and security.
What's the name of your box? What's in it?
I love this concept. I could actually see it used as a tool to help examine differences between relationships, between people. Even spouses would come up with different boxes.