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Old 08-17-2010, 03:57 AM
jm24 jm24 is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 2
Default married and looking for help

I'm not sure who else to talk about this. So I think this is the right place. Hopefully some of you can offer me some support and guidance. I know that no one can tell me what the right choice for me is, I think what I want most is support and advice.

So, here goes. I'm 24, male and married to my wife for almost three years, together almost four years. I feel very drawn to polyamory, and she doesn't. She's expressed curiosity in experimenting with other women before, but has felt guilty for wanting to act on those desires, even though I fully support them.

I have a friend who I've been close with for about a year and a half. We spend time together every week, we sometimes see each other almost four or five times a week. Because of that, I also spend a lot of time with his wife. I've gotten to know them both a lot over the past year and feel very close to both of them. I feel like they are family.

A couple of days ago, my friend's wife asked to talk to me and she expressed her feelings toward me. She said that she has been wanting to have a closer, more intimate relationship with me for a long time. She talked to her husband (my friend) about it a couple months after we met and suggested trying out polyamory. He wasn't interested, and felt really hurt by her desire. So she didn't try to pursue it. Well, I guess she couldn't hide her feelings any more and finally expressed them to me. I feel the same way about her. She fulfills many parts of me that have been longing for partnership and intimacy for a long time. I am very interested in having a deep, connected and soulful relationship with her that doesn't have conventional boundaries.

We have been talking about how we can make this work with our spouses. But I'm not sure what to do. I don't want to jeopardize my relationship with my wife, who has told me she doesn't want to share me with others. I also don't want to risk losing the friendship that I have with my friend and his wife.

I would like for us all to be able to have what we want. I think many people want to experience love without borders. I am tired of societal restrictions of marriage. I want to define my own relationships. But I also want to make the people close to me feel included, and that we can all get what we want.

Is this possible? I'm not sure how to talk to my wife or my friend about this.

Any advice or support you can give me I would deeply appreciate. Thank you in advance.
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