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Old 08-16-2010, 10:25 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,723

Originally Posted by sage View Post
I have felt very much like you. We dealt with it using a two pronged approach. Firstly we negotiated and a good negotiator does not give up on the first come back, you go back again, and again if necessary.

Secondly I decided that I wanted to be the best version of myself that I could be so that Z would want to be with me. I don't believe we can make people love us or want to be with us. All we can do is be the best that we can be and if that isn't enough maybe it is time to walk.

I think it is fairly easy to tell a poly from a player by the amount of work they are prepared to put into your relationship to make it work. You say he is wonderful but it doesn't sound as if he is behaving very wonderfully.

Awesome post sage, I totally would of said just this.

I am often in the situation of your man, I get grumpy and frustrated about things not going my way or my partners not moving fast enough. It sucks to have to wait and negotiate boundaries constantly. There are somethings I have been waiting on for years! Ie. Moving to a more suited house.

He will need to practice better patience. For me it really helps when I am told exactly what someone wants from me. Lately PN, my husband told me that he needs more hugs from me. I have done my best to give him that. He asked for more quality time together and I have given that, to the detriment of one of my relationships actually. He has asked for us to have NRE back, I can't give that, I also can't have sex with him as often as I am resentful and unable to feel connected in that way right now. My boundary. We negotiated our boundaries again to make changes to become close again. We will again I'm sure. Being completely open and honest means constant negotiation. No one should compromise anything. Be creative to make it work. Creative and unresentful. Working on finding that ever illusive balance is what its all about... Poly or not. That's my thoughts anyway.
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