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Old 08-16-2010, 06:16 PM
DazednConfused DazednConfused is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2010
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I'm wondering if you realize that your wife is not going to get out of your relationship what she needs. It looks like she will be moving on at this point and is just avoiding the inevitable because of your sacrifices. She doesn't seem to be good at this sort of thing and is not able to achieve balance and integrity.
She and I have this very candid relationship, if one asks the other a question, the answer is 100% honest, no holds barred, good, bad, or ugly. I've asked her time and time again, want me to leave, if he were single, every possible scenario and she insists to the point of almost anger that she fully intends we be together for life.

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You are giving her the okay to be selfish and deceitful. You are also giving her the okay to treat people with disrespect. Those are not sustainable if she is to live a healthy life of vitality and happiness. I agree with whomever it was that said you are enabling her. You are by your sacrifice. She will not be better off is my guess.
I don't deny this at all, I carry the guilt of being equally responsible for the cheating.

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He says he will lay off fucking your wife for the week to respect your anniversary? Bullshit, his wife is suspecting and he's scared. That is not a "swell guy" thing to do. Did you point that out to her? Not only that he says that if you want to call them off he will back off? More bullshit, he's going to put this all on you if the shit hits the fan soon. He will be telling your wife that its you who is to blame for their ending. Manipulation.
Completely agree, I'm certain that's part of it.

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Wow, he's good! He's been walking around all proud of having his cake and eating it too. I bet there is some of that "I converted a lesbian with my big cock" thing going on too; "she just can't resist it and I'm going to give it too her whenever I can" ... I wonder if that is what he is thinking... That isn't love, that isn't respect, that's selfishness at the expense of others. These little fuck getaways they have? Are they about love, building a good foundation of relationship? I bet they aren't.
Yup, agree there too.

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Have you been telling her what you are saying to us? Have your thoughts been translated into words? Have you been telling her what he says?
We talk alot, probably too much, it seems to be, well until yesterday, nothing but negitive, I bitch she listens.. but, we do talk. I do suspect she's peaked here more than once. We were talking about how she'd feel if I wanted to just go out and get laid, she said she'd have to think about it, but for no, she kinda feels like it would be cheating because "it aint poly if its just fucking around". I have no issue with if she is lurking, gosh, I wish she would be more. Like I said we're almost brutally honest as one of our most fundamental ground rules, so I have no issue with her seeing anything I've discussed with you folks.

No, I haven't told her what he has been saying, from what I've learned here there needs to be some sort of trusting communication between he and I if this will ever work.

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What ended it for us in the end was a big talk about our goals. She had different ones than I. Emotions aside, I think that this is what you need to be talking about this anniversary. See if your goals still match up with each other and if they don't, move on. Don't stay with someone and sacrifice, its not fair to either of you.
This is an awesome suggestion that I am certainly going to follow through with.
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