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Old 08-16-2010, 06:01 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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I'm wondering if you realize that your wife is not going to get out of your relationship what she needs. It looks like she will be moving on at this point and is just avoiding the inevitable because of your sacrifices. She doesn't seem to be good at this sort of thing and is not able to achieve balance and integrity.

You are giving her the okay to be selfish and deceitful. You are also giving her the okay to treat people with disrespect. Those are not sustainable if she is to live a healthy life of vitality and happiness. I agree with whomever it was that said you are enabling her. You are by your sacrifice. She will not be better off is my guess.

You know, I think that if you were to bring about a crunch time it would end up with the same result as is going to happen anyways, at this time anyways. Its been proven that this guy has manipulated the situation. He says he will lay off fucking your wife for the week to respect your anniversary? Bullshit, his wife is suspecting and he's scared. That is not a "swell guy" thing to do. Did you point that out to her? Not only that he says that if you want to call them off he will back off? More bullshit, he's going to put this all on you if the shit hits the fan soon. He will be telling your wife that its you who is to blame for their ending. Manipulation.

Wow, he's good! He's been walking around all proud of having his cake and eating it too. I bet there is some of that "I converted a lesbian with my big cock" thing going on too; "she just can't resist it and I'm going to give it too her whenever I can" ... I wonder if that is what he is thinking... That isn't love, that isn't respect, that's selfishness at the expense of others. These little fuck getaways they have? Are they about love, building a good foundation of relationship? I bet they aren't.

Oh your wife is so going to get hurt with this one! He is using her up would be my guess and she isn't even noticing or caring. He will be sick of her soon and will look for a way out. I bet he is already doing that with his "you tell me to end it and I will" comment. Not to mention the "we should take a break this week" one.

Have you been telling her what you are saying to us? Have your thoughts been translated into words? Have you been telling her what he says?

This is so reminding me of my break up with my wife. All my old guilt has come back and not at the best time, considering what my husband and I see going through.

We had a similar situation whereby I introduced NP to our lives and then did similar things your wife is doing. Np was cheating on his girlfriend with me and we pulled similar acts to be together. I was selfish and manipulative. It was years before she would talk to me again after that. Even more before she talked to np. She was so angry. I worked hard to earn her respect again and she deserved no less. We are all good now. I spent much time with her this week as she is visiting. You can see the pics on fb. I still feel that overwhelming guilt of having done such a wonderful woman wrong, but that is my burden to carry. I should of been patient and respectful of her pace.


What ended it for us in the end was a big talk about our goals. She had different ones than I. Emotions aside, I think that this is what you need to be talking about this anniversary. See if your goals still match up with each other and if they don't, move on. Don't stay with someone and sacrifice, its not fair to either of you. There is nothing that says you have to have a traditional relationship. Me and the ex are best friends and were meant to be so. I wouldn't change that now for the world, as much as I would have her still in my life as a lover. Our happiness depended on not being together. Its better this way. I would suggest you find out for YOU what your future should be. For YOUR happiness, because if you aren't happy, you take everyone down with you.
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