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Old 08-14-2010, 01:29 AM
jkelly jkelly is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 168

Originally Posted by YGirl View Post
The way I have understood the criticism(s) is that it ought to be acceptable to say "Fuck you, JKelly, and the high horse you rode in on", and that is still supposed to foster a "welcoming" and "inclusive" atmosphere.
Well, for the record, I'd like to think I'd respond reasonably well to someone saying that. I'll grant that if a bunch of people with fancy forum titles all said it together, though, I'd probably feel more unwelcome.

Erm... that's not to suggest that fancy forum titles are a problem. I was just using that as shorthand for people who have more social capital than other people.

Anyway, I'm not all that clear about the 'politeness' aspect of this conversation. I get that you and Ceoli think that there's something about politeness that's important to the discussion, but I'll admit that I'm missing out on what's going on with that.

Originally Posted by YGirl View Post
Again, I am hard pressed to understand why you, Ceoli, myself, and others are able to manage this just fine when it comes to our interactions on here, yet these "people who leave" only send their disenchantment over here by proxy.
Not to speak for Ceoli, but it's not clear to me that she's "manage[d] just fine", as she's expressed some pretty serious ambivalence about participating. In case anyone's confused about it, I think that's troublesome, because I think she's a particularly valuable contributor.

I'm loathe to speculate about what you, Ceoli and I have in common, as I don't really know either of the two of you.

I don't have any contact with any "people who leave"; my questioning is more about why this forum bears so little resemblance to my experience, or the offline poly- communities I'm familiar with, why it's rough on people who don't quite fit in, and about the lack of diversity I perceive in it. To be honest, I'd be hesitant to recommend this forum to poly- newbies I meet, and I think that's disappointing. Of course, that opens up the question of why I'm hesitant, and I'm not entirely clear on how to answer that, other than that it doesn't bear much resemblance to my experience, etc.
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