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Old 08-12-2010, 02:53 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Kansas City Metro
Posts: 2,187

Originally Posted by Ceoli View Post
I find it interesting that people who post in a way you deem acceptable are "playing nice" while other people who feel that posting their authentic views on things are seen as "fuck you asshole you're wrong." Perhaps this tone policing is what makes the space unwelcoming for many people. One of my feminist groups on Fetlife has a view on tone policing that I tend to agree with. It's about privilege:

Tone-policing- We recognize tone-policing as being a form of policing the human expressions of others. Anger, hurt, and even the occasional fit of all-caps can only be considered illegitimate expressions of an experience if we assume that full expression is limited to the privileged classes.
I'll call shenanigans on this.

The type of behavior expected is here is the type that would be acceptable at a dinner party. Posters can disagree with each other and continue in discussion. They can't scream at other people or cuss others out willy nilly or anything else that would have them escorted out of a dinner party in short order.

I respect Y-Girl's blunt style of calling things out. For some reason, Y-Girl has been granted a pass on this by the powers that be. For some reason, Redpepper finds it acceptable to personally be a buffer for her yet chastise other people for the very same behavior. I do find that interesting.
Ygirl communicates in a fashion that is both blunt and avoids abusing other people. She meets the standard expected for discussion here--the same standard that applies to everybody.

If folks can't figure out what the difference is between how YGirl communicates here and how other posters who have been moderated communicate, then I'll offer that the problem is not one inherent in the policies of this site.

Additional note: I happen to think that the type of bluntness displayed by Y-Girl contributes to a safe space. Generally, authenticity can be a safer way to communicate than being polite. Politeness is about having to check yourself and censor natural communication in order to be more acceptable to others. [/QUOTE]

We don't have a policy of politeness here; we have a standard of civil discussion here. We may couch it in a general description of "play nicely," though you'll find that the more concrete guidelines point to a standard of civility. Our preference in moderating the boards is to allow as much free expression as possible while maintaining civility.
When speaking of various forms of ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
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