Originally Posted by jkelly
Hunh. If I thought that being poly- was keeping my relationships from reaching their maximum potential, or got in the way of building a foundation, I'd stop being poly-.
From my perspective, I don't get how this advice is supposed to work in practice. Should I dump everyone I'm dating every time I meet someone new in order to be monogamous with them? That'd be incredibly cruel, and importing one of the worst elements of being in monogamous relationships into polyamory.
Further, I'm really clear that none of my relationships "should be mono", since I don't want to be in a monogamous relationship. So if there is some relationship out there that "should be mono", I shouldn't be in it in the first place! Being monogamous for that relationship would just prolong my being in the wrong relationship.
Well, as luckygirl was asking if this happens, I guess my response is "yes." I have known it to happen a few times. Even with people on here that I have met and conversed with in private. I think some relationships go better that way, for whatever reason. It's a matter of what the people in them want. Perhaps they are fine with a mono life, even though they could quite easily poly if the opportunity comes up.
Personally I could not, at this point anyway, live in a strictly monogamous relationship. It would cause me much duress. I'm with you on this jkelly. For the same reasons, but it still happens that some poly people go mono because they think the partner they have found is worth that much in whatever way that means to them. I don't think that means that by yours and my standard it means that the others are less.... it's just a difference that people have.
There could be many reasons for it really.... they want to find a primary? they want to get married, have kids, etc.. as that is what they think success is? They would rather make do with a partner they love deeply than many they are in love with but their worlds aren't rocked? I don't know... just a speculation. I did that with PN for years. It turned out I can't do it for life, but it worked during the time of our wedding, house buying, kid creating and debt building
I am assuming that others do the same... please, someone, correct me if I am wrong about that.