Hello and Advice
I am openly poly, living in London and 33 year old bi female. I have been openly poly since late 2008 but have more recently been seeing a number of other poly folks. There is a whole sort of sub community of young poly people here who are meeting each other and hooking up who are involved in political activism, LGBT activism and the like.
Given this I am considered to be one of the older knowledgeable poly folks and often get asked for advice (which usually consists of advising people to communicate!) In any case, I am currently seeing three women, 2 more casually and 1 more seriously. All of them have other relationships. The woman that I am into a lot has a long term male partner of about 3 years and they live together. I've been seeing her for about 3 and a half months. I decided to ask her out formally, saying I wanted to be girlfriends officially. She then said she wasn't sure she had enough time and couldn't commit to see me often enough to be a "good girlfriend".
This is the second time this has happened to me recently. I was seeing another woman for about the same time and she was also in a long term relationship. As things started to get more serious, she suddenly decided that me wanting to see her a few times a week was not possible and she ended the relationship.
I should make it clear that neither one has said I was in any way demanding, just that realistically they don't have the time. I am somewhat cynical about this response as I think if you really like someone you will make the time to spend time with them.
Needless to say I am finding this all rather confusing. One of the things I like about poly is that it is about relationships and not just about sex, and I am having really lovely sexual encounters with a number of great people, but it seems like any time I try to take things further I get met with brick walls. Am I doing something wrong or is it just bad luck?