Originally Posted by redpepper
Sorry, I haven't read anything that anyone else has said, so if there are repeats, please excuse me.
as for the above quote? Well, I have noticed that this is a common theme with swingers that find themselves "falling in love" with those they swing with and find themselves at the door of poly. I don't think it's bad or anything, just an observation.
From my experience and what I have read on this forum and experience elsewhere, there seems to be a rush when people are sexually compatible that those people seem to think is for keeps. Maybe its the serotonin rush that one gets that makes people feel all in love? or maybe it's for real. Chances are it's a bit of both.
I have no doubt that this woman that you expressed your love to loved you in the moment... she got off, got connected and felt love. The thing is, when reality struck, she was done and moved on. There is nothing wrong with that, but it hurt you. Note to self, be more cautious next time.... "take what you can get and hope for the best" would be the answer here perhaps, or maybe you are really poly and want/need to pursue something more real.
just another thought, you don't know them well, chances are that you don't really know what goes on in their relationship. You only caught the good stuff... also, why shouldn't she have other lovers, this woman, if she is poly or the like then she would be more than able to have other love interests and it not influence how she feels about you.
We've gotten close to another couple before, but there wasn't that same type of connection that occurred here. Actually we're still friends with that couple and are going to see them in LA for Labor Day now.
I guess what makes this difficult too is that it's not really off the table. If would be one thing if she was just flat out saying she only wanted to be with her husband and this other women she might eventually meet, but that's not the case. From a couples perspective, they only want to be with us along those lines. As she put it, she wants us to be friends first, and still wants the four of us to hang out, and if we get charged up, then we can all get it on. No pressure of having to have sex every time we would all hang out (which we've talked about before, but the majority of the time the sexual energy is so charged up we all would end up jumping each other. Even when we tried just meeting in public, we still ended up back at our house the few times.) I'm just not sure how to go from something that started off as a sexual friendship and started to blossom into more than that, to just a friendship with the occasional hook up.
As far as the relationship with my wife and D, because I've been so upset she's been ready to call it off. I told her I certainly don't want that to happen, and want her to continue to talk with him (again he's also her personal trainer), and if they want to hang out like before (they'll meet up for coffee or a slushy at Sonic for example a few times during the week, have gone shopping together, movie once, etc.) that's fine too. The sex part of it (either the two of them solo - which isn't as good as the four of us together, or we talked about a MFM threesome) is off the table for the moment, but since D & J are struggling in some ways with their relationship, that's probably best all around.
You make a good point redpepper, we don't know their relationship, and maybe it's not as strong as it initially appeared. As far as the other lovers, if she is really poly (and to be honest I don't really know if I or my wife are still), and if it doesn't influence how she is or feels about be, then it might still work out. Keep in mind that (as I described to my wife yesterday), it was kindof like getting hit with a brick on Friday, so I was kindof numb, and yesterday it sunk it and I was trying to deal with it. I don't get upset all that often (truly upset at least), and it freaked me out as well as my wife yesterday. I went through a whole range of emotions yesterday; from f--k them, they can rot in hell, to let's go find someone else to show them, to the why is this happening to me, you name it, it probably crossed my mind at some point. I'm not saying it's not painful still, but it'll be easier to deal with and understand as my emotions get back to normal.