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Old 08-15-2010, 01:18 AM
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Derbylicious Derbylicious is offline
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: Victoria BC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
We had a blow out again yesterday, this time with Mono present and on the way to my mum's birthday party. It seems that PN has not heard what I have been saying... the same as I have written on here, even though I have said it a million times for months... he seems to think that our connection has been diminishing for years; at least two (since I met Mono actually). Perhaps it has? For me is hasn't, for me it has changed and gone in a different direction, but not diminished.

PN wants to have that old NRE feeling that we had at the beginning of our relationship... before we got married. I just don't think that is realistic. We are 12 years in and that only comes at the beginning of relationships. We have had glimpses of similar NRE feelings along the way, as we did at a wedding a month or so back, but not entirely the way it was.

It seems that there is a need to do MORE than we have been doing for him. We can't seem to accomplish the half hour a day thing, let alone more. I keep saying that we need to at least do that, but he wants more than that. Why can't we take a baby step!? Why jump in the deep end when we can't seem to wade in the shallow and be okay?!

I have to say that I was feeling that way with my husband not that long ago. It was his work that was leaving me feeling disconnected from him. I wanted what we had before back and I agree with you that NRE isn't something that you can really experience again, hence it being NEW. What I have found has worked to make us feel closer (at least on my end) is that I write him letters filled with all kinds of things that I have memories of. Some of them are memories of happy times and some are things that we've been through together and have been the strength for each other.

I know that PN likes to write. I don't know if suggesting that he write his version of your story for your eyes only might help him find that connection again. Getting muddled down in the day to day living can wear on any relationship and we can forget what we love about each other and why we chose to be together in the first place.

As for the wanting to do fun things, take turns picking what those fun things are with two rules, no complaing about the choice of fun and put an honest effort into participating and enjoying yourself.

I'm far from the relationship expert but I can offer what has worked for me. I'm sorry that things are still rough for you guys. As much as there's work to be done between you, you also need a chance (both of you) to catch your breath and be able to relax. I can see it in your eyes how much this has gotten to you, I imagine that it's no different for PN. Maybe after your movie tonight sit by the ocean for half an hour and just let the sound and smell of the ocean ground you again.

-Derby
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