Thanks Gwen. My wife and I kind of wonder if your #3 part had something to do with it. It seemed to start getting a little weird after my wife and D first expressed their love was blossoming (J was starting to get down, but we were assuming it was just being apart from her hubby, as well as us). I'll admit it wasn't super easy for me, but I knew they cared for each other, and everyone seemed happy (and I trusted D, which I rarely really trust men), so that made it a good thing. I knew (at the time), while J and I hadn't hit that level, that we both had very strong feelings for each other, but both of us tend to be more reserved about admitting that (of course, looking back now, maybe I was way off).
Their marriage appeared to be stable (in some ways I almost thought it was more stable, as they seemed to be a comfort level in the swing lifestyle as newbies, while it took us a few years to really get to the comfort level we are now).
They're still saying that we are the couple they want to be with and have a relationship with, just basically that she wants to attach another relationship (with a women, and independent of the four of us, or her husband). I guess it would've been easier to figure out if it would be either they want to be with us fully, or not. If it had just been our regular swinging experience, it would've been easier to say good luck and we'll hopefully get to spend time together.