Redpepper, I just had a thought. Have you been taking time for YOU through this whole process? PN & Mono are both huge parts of your life but YOU are your life! Have you taken time to do your own grieving in the loss of Roly?
It sounds a bit like you are trying to be there for everyone else and not taking the time to be there for yourself.
I know you said something about renting a room from your tertiary so it could be your studio and a safe haven for you. This would be wonderful but in the meantime is there no way you could maybe take a walk in the park by yourself or take a long bubble bath, a spa day, something so you can reconnect with the inner you, the you that makes you who you really are. (NO, travelling time from PN to mono, to work, etc. does NOT count as 'you' time.)
I'm the type that needs that 'me' time on a regular basis or my whole world will quickly turn upside down. Those few hours once a week are part of what keeps me sane in an insane world.