It does seem rare that the poly additions speak out, but they are around. I think a lot of the emotional limelight is thrown on the couple so sifting through the couples having challenges can be hard, but it is there. I think the emotional wrenching tends to come from the couples being thrown into this. As to you specifically
I don't think you are overthinking, You sound like you are being thoughtful. You will find your own way but you can study what others have done, right or wrong. This may help you decide what you want out of it and help you foresee pitfalls of being in a V.
Have you take a chance to read anything by Franklin. http://www.xeromag.com/fvpoly.html
its a good place to start.
Continue asking questions and please feel free to elaborate on your feelings being involved in a V
The irony of "find my way in a world that everyone frowns upon"...not everyone does. There are a lot of open people. Or indifferent people. Or better yet, people that want you to be happy. Don't be concerned with what others think and enjoy what you can