In May, I made a new connection. It felt, right. The same way I met Pengrah. It started with a debate that I tried to concede. But she would not take my giving her the point forcing me to argue more. We got sick of the poly forum pm’s and started emailing, I found she becoming a part of my day. This online LD friendship was budding. I have a lot of experience with friends online but this had potential and was taking shape. We could talk about any and every topic. We had opinions, shared or adversely it didn’t matter. We covered a range of topics from horses, to computers, to bdsm to abuse to music. We had no lack of topics to discuss. It has proceeded to texting, then msn, then skype and now we have weekly dates. There were logical dissections of how this progressed.
To be clear, I didn’t start this walking in with romance on the brain. I was actually in the middle of second guessing my poly (read above). You see I still wanted threesomes, still wanted Pengrah to explore her bi-sexuality in more detail. We had discussed changing the rules which went exceedingly well. I hadn’t considered this moving into relationship territory
But it has. We are getting closer daily, I am crushing on her badly and it is mutual. The feelings are intense, albeit delayed a bit due to a lack of physical connection. We are both stubborn in our personal belief that you can’t foster love through a LD relationship without the physical side. It’s a completion of the zipper of a relationship. My head swims thinking of her, my heart jumps and yes, as a very sexual person, I am lusting like a fiend. The opportunity, the dreams are all there. I will post about this separately, but my expectations are sometimes my worst enemy. I am very logical and can sometimes think too far ahead. I need to keep that in check.
I am excited, happy and thoughtful about my future with Superjast and our future with her and her family being included in our lives. My original thoughts, threesomes only etc, have been turned upside down and flipped. I am not longer limited in my ability to be poly by limitations of insecurity. That’s amazingly freeing. My future is bright and I am back on a path where I enjoy the potential.
We are at the point now of trying to figure out what emotion sits between crush and love.