Hard Lessons - Turning point
E is an amazing women, patient and understanding. Her view of sex vs friendship vs love is very mature. She waited patiently while I wallowed. We had many loving times, cuddling etc, which made it harder, not easier for me. I tried to turtle and walk away. That destroyed me more than having her there being my friend. I tried this monthlyÖI failed every time
March 13th hits. 2 weeks prior we had celebrated my birthday and I was destroyed. E was partying with us, flirting and it was close to a threesome again. It felt like it was moving in the right direction again. That first 5 hours was blissÖ.then she picked a guy up at the bar and went home with him. My heart shattered, I had never felt such pain. I had gotten to the point where I could look at her, and not turtle away, but I was destroyed. I donít remember the last time I had given so much of my heart to someone and not had one ounce given back to me.
So back to march 13th. I sat down and talked to her. Honestly. No more hiding or turtling. I told her how I felt, how hurt I was, how I owned that hurt because it canít be her responsibility to love me. I was sitting in this bar, relieving my stress and pressure onto her, and she took it. We held each other and she comforted me. Knowing she will never love me but now knowing I have loved someone who canít love me back. A hard lesson in both communication and in how unfair love can be.
Back to Pengrah, my wallowing almost destroyed her. She was owning all of my feelings on her sleeve. Taking my anger, resentment and jealousy to herself. We had several big talks about me owning my emotions. Yes I needed support, but I didnít need someone to come down to my level. I didnít need her feeding my emotional upheaval. The conversation was huge and likely a turning point for us. And much needed in our continuation down the path of poly